by Harville Hendrix, PhD

Over the past five years, I have reread Keeping The Love You Find and redone all the exercises several times (I'm midway through the fourth now). Each time, I learn more about myself and my relationships. Each time, I am enlightened by some new insight or gratified to see my hypotheses validated. Keeping The Love You Find applies real, complex psychology principles in a way that lay people can understand. It's not easy. You are asked to do exercises to uncover yourself. If you don't do the exercises, the book will be of little value. The fastest I've ever been through the process has been a month of working on it several hours a day. But every minute is worth the time and the effort. I can see why I've made the choices I've made; I can see that they actually make sense; I don't need to beat myself up for making them. I am aware. And that awareness is a giant step toward healing and finding the type of love I seek. This is the best self-help book I've ever read.

Keeping The Love You Find: A Guide for Singles

Book Description
I read this book 4 years ago when my marriage of 11 years ended. My goal was to understand what happened in my relationship and make sure I didn't make the same mistake again. This was one of about 20 books I read and literally the only one that I still practice what I learned everyday. I would love to boil it down to the key elements, but I strongly recommend taking this book to heart and going through the entire process. Also, it is important to be honest with yourself when Hendrix asks the tough questions. I also advise keeping this book and the notes you will write in a private place. If you're honest with yourself, you will be looking at yourself from the outside in. You will be completed and "whole" yourself and ready to be in a relationship. I also recommend that when you do find that next person, to encourage them to read this book, if not, at least employ some of key tactics, which you will pick up through reading the book. This is truly one of those books that has had a dramatically positive affect on my life.

READER'S COMMENTS ON Keeping The Love You Find: A Guide for Singles

If you are into self-improvement and healing, this book is for you. I've read tons of single's books the past few years, but this is the one that I keep on coming back to. The childhood assessment resonates with me - it made things clear why I fall in love or gravitate towards people with certain personalities. I've been utilizing Hendrix's concept of putting a moratorium on my singlehood, while using utilitarian dating. Amazingly, I've learned a lot about myself, and also about other people. I particularly love the detailed strategies on how to mirror, show empathy and validate your potential partner's perspective. Very helpful. This book is very good for repeated reading. I highly recommend this to the GLBT community as well as Hendrix asserts that his Imago concept trancends gender differences. I attended a seminar by a gay therapist and this was one of the books he recommended to prepare one's self with dating and relationships - I couldn't agree with him more. I've also started reading "Getting the Love you Want" and can't wait to finish it! ~K.A.

RE: Keeping The Love You Find: A Guide for Singles

Going through a divorce, fired from a job where I was top producer, drug through litigation and dealing with a drinking problem was enough to send me into serious overhaul of my life. Not only did I read this book a couple of times, I have several notebooks with all my exercises that I did from the workbook/study guide. And yes...I still go back and read the book every couple of months. When you are ready for improvements in your relationships - get this book!!!~Judy

Singles can benefit as much as couples from Imago Relationship Counselling BEFORE entering into any kind of committed partnership. It's a kind of preventive measure much like taking vitamins and excercising. Rather than have to go through a painful experience with a wholly inappropriate partner in order to face and heal one's wounds, Imago for singles can help address the wounds BEFORE they get pressed by the wrong person. I don't agree that you need to be in a relationship to use the Imago process to heal. Many times only one person in a relationship wants to really go through the process of counselling anyway. So singles who are serious about meeting an emotionally healthy and balanced person for a long-term committed relationship are best to prepare in advance by healing. No one is responsible for your happinness than you. A boyfriend or girlfriend is NOT a therapist nor should they be. Life is challenging and shoving your baggage onto someone else is a violation of boundaries. Release your mess first and attract someone who has done the same. Leave the relationship drama to the TV shows. No one is perfect but there ARE people out there who are healthy. ~M.E.

As someone who has been in love several times, I can tell you that it's very difficult to get over someone who has been so special to you. We all know this, of course. This book has given me the understanding of what it takes to ensure that I carefully look at each relationship, understand what has happened, and use that knowledge to make the next relationship stronger and more likely to succeed.

I've met someone, he's terrific, and I'm feeling much more confident that things will work out. Or at least, I will be more aware of what I am doing and the end result will be one of understanding rather than confusion and hurt.

Every failed relationship in my life, and there have been a few, had one thing in common - Me! That's not to say that it's been my fault, but the book enables you to look at those relationships, understand them, and utilize that knowledge to make the next one that much better.~Marcy

This book has helped me change the way I view relationships. It helped me to stop placing blame on the other person and take a good look at myself. This has brought understanding and acceptance of my divorce. I wish I would have had this book before I got married but I probably would have never read it. I have never read a self help book in my life. It would have helped me to grow and better understand myself and my future partners I select. You must do the exercises slowly to get the full benefit. I will reread this book again in order to absorb all the information.~A Reader

I have read a few self-help books, but this (Keeping The Love You Find: A Guide for Singles) is the first one I would highly recommend. I have already been telling everyone I know about it, in fact! This isn't a quick fix book with simplified explanations, which is why I appreciated it and enjoyed it so much. However, you can only take away from this book, what you put into it. If you do all the exercises and carefully read the chapters and think about how they relate to your life, you will understand yourself and others around you much better. I plan to read this book again and encourage everyone to read it, as well.~A Reader

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